When I first got divorced, I thought the hardest part would be co-parenting. Or finances. Or explaining to my kids why their dad didn’t live with us anymore.
I was wrong.
The hardest part was the silence. The quiet in the house after the kids went to bed. The empty space in the bed where someone used to sleep. The overwhelming realization that no one was coming home to me.
Divorce doesn’t just break a marriage — it breaks routines, shared dreams, and the built-in companionship you didn’t realize you depended on until it was gone. And when you’re a mom, especially a single mom, it can feel like you’re holding the entire world together with shaking hands, and no one even sees it.
But I learned how to live with the loneliness. And eventually, how to grow through it. This is how.
1. I Stopped Avoiding the Loneliness
At first, I tried to outrun it. I filled every hour — cleaning, working, parenting, scrolling, binge-watching. Anything to avoid the quiet moments that reminded me of what I’d lost. But eventually, I realized that pushing it down only made it heavier.
So one night, after the kids were asleep and the house was still, I let it hit me. I cried. I missed the way things used to be, even though they hadn’t been good for a long time. And it sucked. But the release? It was necessary.
2. I Rebuilt My Relationship With Myself
Somewhere along the way — between marriage and motherhood and survival — I lost myself. So I started dating me again. I made time for things I used to love: reading, writing, taking long walks, even just sitting in silence with a cup of coffee and no one to take care of but me.
I made a list of things that made me feel like me again, and slowly, I started doing them.
3. I Stopped Feeling Guilty for Wanting More
Single mom guilt is real. I felt bad for being sad. For feeling lonely. For sometimes wishing I could just take off and be someone else for a day. But I learned that wanting more — more joy, more connection, more peace — didn’t make me selfish. It made me human.
And the better I cared for myself, the more patient, present, and loving I became with my kids.
4. I Let People In (Even When It Was Uncomfortable)
After divorce, it’s easy to build a wall. It’s a defense mechanism — if no one gets too close, no one can hurt you again. But loneliness thrives behind those walls.
I started saying yes to coffee invites. I messaged old friends. I went to the park and made awkward small talk with other moms. Not every connection turned into something meaningful, but over time, I built a support system — one that reminded me I wasn’t alone, even when it felt like I was.
5. I Stopped Waiting for Someone to Rescue Me
I used to think the loneliness would end when I found someone new. A partner to fill the empty space. But the real magic happened when I realized: I could be whole on my own.
Loneliness still visits sometimes — especially on long weekends or holidays. But it doesn’t crush me anymore. I don’t fear it. I see it as part of this new season, one where I’m learning how to love myself just as fiercely as I love my kids.
And that? That’s not lonely at all.
If you’re a single mom going through it right now, I see you. It’s okay to miss what was, even if it wasn’t right for you. You’re allowed to grieve and grow at the same time. And you are never, ever truly alone.